托福写作:你的托福文章跑题了吗
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托福写作:你的托福文章跑题了吗?
对于托福写作来说,一个普通学生想要冲刺高分,最为重要的还是要遵循官方给出的评分标准,我们看评分标准对观点的要求是什么呢?ETS给出的关键词是:在structure中,做到unity(统一性),progression(渐进性),coherence(连贯性),这个基本上就概括了对题目解析的大体要求。这三个关键词怎么体现在一篇具体的托福文章中呢?我们来逐一解析。
一、 Unity统一性
什么叫统一性呢?就是文章中的理由是不是能很好的支持文章中的立场,展开部分的几个分论点是不是紧扣第一段的观点,而且写到最后重申立场时,有没有发生偏差,有没有做到首尾呼应。拿一道托福真题来做例子:
Money is the most important aspect in a job. 钱是工作中最重要的部分。
题目是最常见的问同意不同意,有的同学上来就说我同意,然后论证,第一段钱很重要,能让我们获得物质满足,第二段钱很重要,能给我们带来社会认同感,然后写着写着到第三段可能是写到后来实在找不到点儿了,没有话说了,也可能是时间不够写迷糊了,开始论证“可是钱买不到快乐,而快乐也是很重要的。”然后得出一个结论,钱买不来快乐,快乐也很重要。这样我们可以明显看出来,这位同学找出的第三个观点和结尾段都背离了开头段的观点,违背了统一性的原则。而这个错误,几乎是考场有限时间高度紧张时最容易犯的错误。
二、Progression渐进性
第二个,渐进性,也就是论点之间要有递进关系,找出的论点要避免交叉重合,而且各个论点避免同一层面的反复论证。还拿刚才那道真题来说。有的同学会给出这样一个思路:
开头:同意,钱是最重要的。
第一段:钱可以满足衣食住行的需求;
第二段:钱可以买衣服,鞋子,车或者奢侈品。
结尾:钱最重要,可以买一切想买的。
我们看这个同学虽然找出了三个点,可是问题出现在这三个点都是在物质需求的层面反复论证。比如我们加一个,钱可以让我们获得社会认同感,实现自我价值,可以让我们旅游,看歌剧,出国学习充电,这都涉及到了精神满足,就有了递进性,会比较符合评分标准的要求,而且这样多几个层面,也比较容易展开,有话可说。
三、Coherence连贯性
第三点,连贯性,这个包括两个方面,在写的内容上要有一条清楚的逻辑线,最忌讳东拉西扯的凑字数,满篇都找不到点,要做到这个呢,在形式上最好用一些很明显的逻辑连接词,将句与句,段与段衔接在一起,让判卷老师也能迅速的找到点,比如最简单的firstly, in addition, finally, according to, consequently,in contrast, 这样不管是递进,因果还是对比,都有个清晰的线顺下来。
托福写作中常犯的十个错误
1、不一致(Disagreements)
所谓不一致不光指主谓不一致,它还包括了数的不一致时态不一致及代词不一致等。
例1. When one have money, he can do what he want to.(人一旦有了钱,他就能想干什么就干什么。)
剖析:one是单数第三人称,因而本句的have应改为has;同理want应改为wants。本句是典型的主谓不一致。
改为:Once one has money, he can do what he wants(to do).
2、修饰语错位(Misplaced Modifiers)
英语与汉语不同,同一个修饰语置于句子不同的位置,句子的含义可能引起变化。对于这一点中国学生往往没有引起足够的重视,因而造成了不必要的误解。
例1. I believe I can do it well and I will better know the world outside the campus.
剖析:better位置不当,应置于句末。
3、句子不完整(Sentence Fragments)
在口语中,交际双方可借助手势语气上下文等,不完整的句子完全可以被理解。可是书面语就不同了,句子结构不完整会令意思表达不清,这种情况常常发生在主句写完以后,笔者又想加些补充说明时发生。
例1. There are many ways to know the society. For example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on.
剖析:本句后半部分“for example by TV, radio, newspaper and so on.”不是一个完整的句子,仅为一些不连贯的词语,不能独立成句。
改为:There are many ways to know society, for example, by TV, radio, and newspaper.
4、悬垂修饰语(Dangling Modifiers)
所谓悬垂修饰语是指句首的短语与后面句子的逻辑关系混乱不清。例如:At the age of ten,my grandfather died. 这句中“at the age of ten” 只点出十岁时,但没有说明“谁”十岁时。按一般推理不可能是my grandfather,如果我们把这个悬垂修饰语改明确一点,全句就不那么费解了。
改为:When I was ten, my grandfather died.
例1. To do well in college, good grades are essential.
剖析:句中不定式短语“to do well in college”的逻辑主语不清楚。
改为:To do well in college, a student needs good grades.
5、词性误用(Misuse of Parts of Speech)
“词性误用”常表现为:介词当动词用;形容词当副词用;名词当动词用等。
例1. None can negative the importance of money.
剖析:negative系形容词,误作动词。
改为:None can deny the importance of money.
6、指代不清(Ambiguous Reference of Pronouns)
指代不清主要讲的是代词与被指代的人或物关系不清,或者先后所用的代词不一致。试看下面这一句:Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted her to be her bridesmaid.(玛丽和我姐姐很要好,因为她要她做她的伴娘。)
读完上面这一句话,读者无法明确地判断两位姑娘中谁将结婚,谁将当伴娘。如果我们把易于引起误解的代词的所指对象加以明确,意思就一目了然了。这个句子可改为:Mary was friendly to my sister because she wanted my sister to be her bridesmaid.
例1. And we can also know the society by serving it yourself.
剖析:句中人称代词we和反身代词yourself指代不一致。
改为:We can also know society by serving it ourselves.
7、不间断句子(Run-on Sentences)
什么叫run-on sentence?请看下面的例句。
例1. There are many ways we get to know the outside world.
剖析:这个句子包含了两层完整的意思:“There are many ways.”以及“We get to know the outside world.”。简单地把它们连在一起就不妥当了。
改为:There are many ways for us to learn about the outside world. 或 There are many ways through which we can become acquainted with the outside world.
8、措词毛病(Troubles in Diction)
Diction是指在特定的句子中如何适当地选用词语的问题,学生在写作中没有养成良好的推敲,斟酌的习惯。他们往往随心所欲,拿来就用。所以作文中用词不当的错误比比皆是。
例1. The increasing use of chemical obstacles in agriculture also makes pollution.(农业方面化学物质使用的不断增加也造成了污染。)
剖析:显然,考生把obstacles“障碍”“障碍物”误作substance“物质”了。另外“the increasing use(不断增加的使用)” 应改为“abusive use(滥用)”。
改为:The abusive use of chemical substances in agriculture also causes/leads to pollution.
9、累赘(Redundancy)
言以简洁为贵。写句子没有一个多余的词;写段落没有一个无必要的句子。能用单词的不用词组;能用词组的不用从句或句子。如:In spite of the fact that he is lazy,I like him.
本句的“the fact that he is lazy”系同谓语从句,我们按照上述“能用词组的不用从句”。
可以改为:In spite of his laziness, I like him.
例1. For the people who are diligent and kind, money is just the thing to be used to buy the thing they need.
剖析:整个句子可以大大简化。
改为:Diligent, caring people use money only to buy what they need.
10、不连贯(Incoherence)
不连贯是指一个句子前言不对后语,或是结构上不畅通。这也是考生常犯的毛病。
例1. The fresh water, it is the most important things of the earth.
剖析:The fresh water与逗号后的it不连贯。It与things在数方面不一致。
改为:Fresh water is the most important thing in the world.
托福写作如何从细节中找到观点
托福写作经验认为对此办法就是要善于联想到一些具体的事实、具体的例证以及具体的现象。比如说,要谈论电视节目这一话题,可以联想到新闻联播,并由此想到它让人们开阔视野,了解世界,但有人觉得话题太熟悉了,反而一时说不出什么来。
资深外教老师上课,深入讲解托福口语话题;熟练使用地道口语用此及常用句型;掌握口语应对技巧。对托福口语考题进行梳理,对独立口语及综合口语部分进行有针对性的训练和讲解,帮助学生在考场避免常见错误。训练听写能力,加强笔记记录训练。
其实,托福写作题目一般是永恒的话题,在任何时候都可以讨论;或为当代话题,让所有的人都会有话可说。题目是公平的,绝对不会让某一专业的考生有特别的优势。
所以,考生一定能联想起具体细小的事情,再形成观点。把看得见摸得着的事物带来的思考变成作文里的分支观点,具体细节内容变成证据。这样就不担心托福作文字数不足了,这不失为一种很好的策略。例如,“计算机的利与弊”这个话题似乎太大,但是可能想到的具体的现象是小孩、学生要在计算机前玩计算机游戏。由此带来的思考是,这些学生整天呆在那里对他们的头脑是有害的(harmful to their minds),并且浪费大量时间(waste a lot of time)。
由此,当头脑出现空白时,应该将具体的、细小的、琐碎的、微不足道的事物所引发的思考变成观点,再进行论述。这种定式思维的形成需要多下工夫。从无话可说到有话可说,下面的例子让人不无启发:在多种场合下,经常要欢迎领导讲几句话。领导往往首先开口说:同志们(大家)好,我利用这个机会讲三句话。接着讲第一句话时,脑子里不知道第二句话是什么,讲第二句时,根本就没想第三句要说什么。但他最终说了三句话,以“谢谢大家”结束讲话。“领导讲话1、2、 3”成了一种定式,他总能找到有关内容讲几点,这种功夫是长期磨炼的结果,写作文也一样,平时需要多多练习这种思维。
托福独立写作范文:农业食物给持续增长的人口VS破坏环境
托福写作题目:Modern agriculture methods damage the environment, but providing food for the growing population around the world is more important than protecting the environment.(养活人口重要还是保护环境重要?)
托福写作参考范文:
Modern agriculture methods like the use of pesticides and artificial fertilizers are widely used around the world. Along with such brings forth negative effects. The most obvious and detrimental impact of modern agriculture methods is environmental degradation. Many people believe that the environmental risks should not be taken into consideration since many people are suffering from the lack of food. I certainly disagree with this.
To begin with, despite the fact that there are people who suffer from starvation, the reason is not because of the lack of food. As a matter of fact, tons of grains and corns are wasted every year. If the government and the general public really care about starving people, they should have enough ability and adequate materials to offer help. People suffer just because of bad management, worldwide corruption, and terrible indifference. So there is no need to destroy wilderness areas or use environmentally-damaging agricultural methods to increase productivity. The world nowadays has more food than we need. As long as corruption and bad management are eradicated, the world would see less people starving.
Besides, the statement asserts that providing food for a growing number of people is more urgent than the protection of environment. I find this statement totally unconvincing. People’s survival depends on the environment. More often than not, whenever the environment gets damaged, the deleterious effects are always irreversible. In other words, once the environment on which we depend on is disrupted, our lives are placed at risk. Modern agriculture, although it provides enough food, has contaminated the water and soil. When people eat crops grown with polluted water and soil, diseases will break out sooner or later. Genetically modified crops, although their negative effects are not obvious and not yet confirmed, should also be treated with great care, for it is reported that dogs, cats, and other pets become sick after ingesting GM food. If human beings are negatively affected by modern agriculture, untold dire consequences will arise. People will suffer from diseases and the government will shoulder considerable medical bills. Worse, the society may become unstable and inharmonious.
From the above discussion, I can draw the conclusion that there are other more effective methods to address starvation. No matter how much food we produce, as long as corruption and wasteful use exist, there will always be starving people. Besides, a healthy natural environment is a basic requirement of our survival. We cannot increase food production at the expense of our environment, lest we are bound to suffer for our inconsideration and recklessness.
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