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课外阅读1
As parents we all want to give our kids every advantage, and in our hypercompetitive world, it's easy to get caught up in what's become an arms race of ever-more classes at ever youngerages.
为人父母的我们都希望能够给孩子提供一切优势,在现在这个竞争激烈的世界上,让孩子们加入比拼才艺的“军备竞赛”可谓易如反掌,可供孩子们选择的补习课程越来越多,孩子们开始接受辅导的年龄也越来越小。
And as in any arms race, it's easy to get so caught up in escalating for the sake of escalatingthat we lose sight of our goals.
和所有的军备竞赛如出一辙,儿童才艺大比拼也非常容易陷入为竞争而竞争的恶性循环之中,以至于我们会失去为何而争的目标。
At some point we should ask: is all this investment of time and money really benefiting ourchildren?
某些时候我们应该扪心自问:我们投入的时间和金钱是否真的能使我们的孩子受益?
'Don't you feel it's important to give kids a good start?'
“你不觉得给孩子一个成功的起点至关重要吗?”
My husband and I are not experts in parenting. To the contrary, we're just like every other setof parents on Earth, just trying to do the best with the resources that we have.
丈夫和我都不是育儿专家。相反,我们和世界上所有的家长一样,只是在竭尽全力地为孩子们提供我们力所能及的一切资源。
We have two daughters: Pip is now four and Lila is two-and-a-half. Recently, a friend droppedby to visit us, and promptly was welcomed into an imaginary tea party that they were having.
我们有两个女儿:姐姐四岁,妹妹两岁半。最近,一位朋友顺路拜访我家,由于当时我们正在举办一场梦幻茶会,我们便马上邀请这位朋友加入了我们。
Delighted, my friend exclaimed: 'Your girls are so happy! So friendly! Not at all like otherChinese kids!'
我的朋友欢快地大声说:“你们的女儿们看起来可真快乐!真友好!和其他中国小孩一点儿也不一样!”
She asked what activities they do. Well, Pip just started a Tae Kwon Do class, I said, and tennis. Lila has yet to start any formal activities.
她询问到孩子们都在进行什么样的活动。姐姐刚开始上跆拳道课,还有网球课,我说。妹妹现在还没有正式开展任何活动。
My friend's delight turned to concern.
我朋友的表情瞬间由喜转忧。
'Your girls don't play piano yet? But haven't you heard that piano lessons should start by agefour?
“你的女儿们还没学弹钢琴?但你没听过吗,钢琴课应该在四岁就开始了?”
'They haven't started ballet? Chess? No academic tutoring at all?'
“她们还没开始学芭蕾?国际象棋?从来没上过学业辅导班?”
No, no, and no.
我喃喃地回答:“没有,没有,没有。”
Actually we avoid packing our girls' schedules too full, I explained. When they're awake and notin school, our girls love to play together, swinging in the playground, pretending with theirdolls, cutting and gluing paper together in (very) abstract art projects.
我解释到,实际上,我们尽量避免把孩子们的时间表安排得过满。在她们不睡觉也不在学校的时间里,她们喜欢一起玩耍,在游戏场上荡秋千,和布娃娃过家家,还喜欢把纸片剪剪粘粘成非常抽象的艺术作品。
When their favorite songs play on the radio, they love to sing and dance along, but they justdon't seem ready yet for more formal music training.
当收音机里播出她们喜欢的歌曲时,她们总是边唱边跳,只不过她们看起来还没准备好接受更为正式的音乐训练。
My friend was quiet. Then: 'Don't you feel it's important to give kids a good start when they'reyoung?'
我的朋友陷入了沉默。随后她说:“你不觉得在孩子们小的时候,给她们一个成功的起点至关重要吗?”
Emotional development and creative play
情感发育及创造性游戏
It's not that we don't focus on our kids' development. But at this stage in their lives, we'refocusing on the skills that we consider most important to their future success. And happily forour girls and for us, our approach to parenting emphasizing emotional development andcreative play -- involves less pressure and more fun for everyone.
并不是我们不注重孩子们的发展。但是在她们生命中的这个阶段,我们正着重培养我们认为对她们今后的成功最为重要的技能。幸运的是,对两个女儿和我们夫妻来说,我们的育儿方式──重视情感发育及创造性游戏──给每个人都带来了更多的快乐,同时施加了更少的压力。
In his intriguing book Brain Rules for Baby, neurologist John Medina describes thephysiological changes occurring in a child's brain between the ages of zero and five. During thistime, a child's brain is developing rapidly, he says, and parenting that helps a child'semotional development actually helps his neural architecture develop toward lifelongemotional stability.
神经学家约翰・梅迪纳(John Medina)在他引人入胜的著作《让孩子的大脑自由》(Brain Rules for Baby)中,介绍了大脑在幼儿零至五岁间发生的生理学变化。他表示,在这个期间,儿童大脑的发育非常迅速,有助于儿童情感发育的育儿方式事实上能够帮助儿童神经系统的构建和发育,并使他们朝着终生情绪稳定的方向成长。
A child parented this way will become an adult with better self-control, fewer incidences ofdepression and anxiety disorders, greater empathy, deeper and richer friendships, and manymore friends.
用这样的方式培养出的孩子日后将成为一名自控力更强、罹患抑郁和焦虑症的概率更低、更富同情心、更易建立深厚友情、拥有更多朋友的成年人。
Dr. Medina's conclusions feel right to me. Having been a political leader and a CEO headhunter, by now I've met tens of thousands of people in many countries, and it seems to me that thehappiest and most successful people are not those who are best at following the rules.
梅迪纳博士得出的结论引起了我的共鸣。曾经作为政界领袖和高管猎头的工作经历,使我有幸接触到了数以万计、来自不同国家的人,在我看来,最快乐、最成功的人并不是那些最善于遵循规则的人。
The happiest and most successful people are the ones who understand the rules, but thenchoose how to live their own lives. They have self-confidence and creativity and theyunderstand keenly how to relate to others.
最快乐、最成功的人是那些明白规则,但选择按照自己的方式生活的人。他们充满自信、拥有创造力,并且深知该如何与人交往。
Pip is learning to be more assertive
大女儿正在学习如何做到自信
Our approach to parenting is embraced by the school we chose, and recently we went there todiscuss Pip's development.
我们的育儿方式得到了我们给女儿所选择的学校的赞同,为了和老师沟通大女儿的教育问题,我们最近拜访了学校。
The teacher started off by assuring us that Pip's schoolwork is progressing well. Every time theystart a new project, she said, the other kids crowd around to see how Pip solves the problem.
老师首先肯定地告诉我们,女儿的课堂任务完成得很好。她说,每次同学们开始做新课业时,其他孩子都会围过去看女儿是如何解决问题的。
Then she said: 'What we're working on with Pip is her assertiveness. Especially around boys.'
她接着说:“我们正在帮助她增加自信,特别是当有男孩子在身边的时候。”
She gave an example:'Just yesterday, Pip was playing next to a sandbox where two boys werethrowing sand around, and some sand flew in Pip's direction. She got up, found me and askedme to tell the boys to be more careful. I asked if she had said anything to them herself. Shesaid no. I asked her if she wanted me help her address the boys, and she said yes. So we wentover, and I suggested some words she could use: 'I was sitting here and felt some of your sandhit me. Please stop throwing sand in my direction.' Pip repeated these words. The boysapologized and promised to be more careful.
她举例子说:“就在昨天,她正在沙盒旁边玩,两个男孩儿扬起沙子嬉戏起来,一些沙子因此被撒到了她身上。她站起来,找到我,并请我去告诉男孩们应该小心点。我问她有没有自己和他们讲过这件事情。她说没有。我又问她,是不是想让我帮她和男孩们交涉,她说是的。所以我们走过去,我向她建议了一些可用的措辞,比如,我刚才坐在这儿,你们扬起的沙子打到了我。请不要朝我这边扬沙子。她复述了这些话。男孩们道了歉,并且保证会小心点。”
I asked Pip if she was happy with the outcome and she said yes. Then I asked her if the nexttime something like this happened, she felt she could resolve the problem herself, and sheagreed to try.'
我问大女儿对于这样的解决方式是否满意,她说是的。然后我又问,下次如果有类似的事情发生,她是不是能够自己解决问题,她答应试一试。
Self-confidence, creativity and the ability to relate to others.
自信、创造力和人际交往能力
When the teacher shared this example, I felt especially moved, because as I've written before inthis column, I've always had trouble saying no to other people. Once I got stuck in adestructive boyfriend relationship precisely because as an adult I didn't know how to protectmyself in the way that my four-year-old now is learning to do.
当老师和我分享发生在女儿身上的事情时,我被深深地触动了,因为正如我以前在这个专栏中所写的那样,其实我一直都不善于对别人说“不”。我还曾经陷入一段极具破坏性的感情,原因就是作为一个成年人,我并不知道该如何保护自己,而我四岁的女儿现在正在学习此道。
Maybe if we get this parenting thing right, our kids will struggle less with the things I'vestruggled with, and perhaps then their lives will be better.
如果我们能做到用正确的方式抚育子女,我们的孩子将不会像我当初那样备受煎熬,或许她们的生活将更美好。
In our hypercompetitive, hurry-up world, we always assume that fast beats slow, but what dowe risk if we pressure our kids to do too much too soon?
生活在这个竞争激烈、快节奏的世界上,我们一向都认为快胜过慢,但是如果我们过早地给孩子们施加过多的压力,是否在拔苗助长?
Self-confidence, creativity, the ability to relate to others: these are the skills and braindevelopment processes that we're trying to nurture in our kids and that may remainundeveloped if formal learning monopolizes their time and attention.
自信、创造力和人际交往能力,这些都是我们千方百计想要孩子们学到的技能,同时也是大脑不断发育的过程。如果正规学习占据了孩子们的时间和精力,那么我们的追求可能将落空。
Are my husband and I parenting our kids well? At this point, it's impossible to know. Theycertainly seem to be enjoying a more fun childhood than some of their peers.
丈夫和我在子女教育上成功吗?现在,我们还一无所知。不过我们确定的是,和很多同龄人相比,她们的童年看起来更快乐。
But is our way of parenting the right way to help them reach their potential as happy andsuccessful future young women? We hope and believe the answer is yes. But only time will tellfor sure.
我们的育儿方式是激发她们潜能,并帮助她们成为未来快乐成功的年轻女性的正确方式吗?我们希望并相信:答案是肯定的。但是只有时间能真正揭开谜底。
课外阅读2
After a hard day studying international politics at Peking University, Valerie Ang Yi Lin kicksback in a cafe.
在北京大学上了一整天的国际政治课之后,瓦莱丽·昂依林找了一个咖啡馆坐下来休息。
Ang Yi Lin, 23, a Singaporean of Chinese descent, attended a school for Singaporean Chinesefrom an early age, which explains her fluent Mandarin. Despite this, she admits hardly knowinganything about China before coming to Peking University. But as China’s economy booms, the “motherland” is catching the attention of ethnic Chinese such as Ang, who were raisedelsewhere.
23岁的昂依林是一位华裔新加坡人,自幼就读于中文学校 ,因此说一口流利的普通话。尽管如此,她仍然承认自己在来北大之前,对中国知之甚少。但随着中国经济的发展,“祖国”正吸引着他们这些在外长大的华裔人士的目光。
In the past, the West was the most popular destination for Singaporeans studying abroad. However, in 2005, when Ang was in her third year at junior high school, a “Bicultural StudiesProgram” was added to the Singapore curriculum, teaching Chinese culture, history, politicsand economics. The Singapore government also began handing out scholarships to encourageyoung people to study in China. With China developing at a breakneck pace, the aim was toraise a generation of Chinese-literate citizens who could contribute to Singapore’s future. Thesame year saw 20 Singaporean Chinese heading off to study in Beijing. By 2006, this numberhad increased fivefold.
在过去,西方国家是新加坡人海外留学的首选目标。但2005年,当昂依林读初三时,新加坡课程中增加了“双元文化项目”,教授中国文化、历史、政治和经济。新加坡政府还通过将奖学金项目来鼓励年轻人去中国留学。随着中国的迅猛发展,新加坡政府的目的是培养一代熟悉中国的国民,为新加坡的未来做贡献。同年,有20名华裔新加坡人来北京留学。截至2006年,这一数字增加了五倍。
Singaporeans receive a Western–style education, so Ang says people of her generation tend tohave the same outlook as young people in the West.
新加坡人接受的是西式教育,因此昂依林说她们这一代人与西方的年轻人拥有同样的观念。
Ang used to think Chinese people often lacked manners.
她还一度认为中国人通常不讲礼貌。
“I couldn’t understand why they didn’t queue properly and tried to push others out of theway,” she says.
她说:“我不明白为什么她们不爱排队,还试着把别人推出队伍。”
After studying in Beijing for four years, though, her outlook has changed slightly. “Once youlive in China you understand; with so many people here, you wouldn’t get anywhere if you justqueued up politely. I realized that if you want to survive in China, you just have to fight yourway through.”
然而,在北京学习了四年,她的世界观发生了细微的变化。“一旦你生活在中国,你就会明白。中国人实在太多了,如果你仅仅是有序地排队,你永远也轮不到。我开始意识到,如果想要生活在中国,你就必须突出重围。”
Ang says she is not a fan of everything modern-day China has to offer. “To take one example, China clearly has a problem with air pollution. But Singapore says it needs workers who havelived in China, so if I keep heading down this path, it will position me well for the future. I willhave an advantage over others. That’s the main thing for me.” She plans to stay in China for awhile after graduating.
昂说她并不盲目追求现代中国提供的任何东西。“举例说明,中国存在明显的空气污染问题。但新加坡政府说需要曾在中国生活过的员工,所以如果我一直朝着这个方向努力,未来职业发展就很看好。我会比别人有优势。对我来说,这是主要的事情。”她计划毕业后在中国待上一段时间。
The pull of China’s growing economy can also be felt in Indonesia, where ethnic Chinese are inthe minority.
印尼也感受到了中国强劲的发展势头,印尼华裔仅占人口的少数。
“I am so happy China is doing well. It makes me feel proud,” says Herman Kasem, 39, a workerat the Indonesian branch of a major Chinese steel company.
今年39岁的赫尔曼·卡萨姆是中国一家大型钢铁厂印度尼西亚分厂的工人,他说:“看到中国越走越好,我十分高兴,也倍加自豪。”
A fourth-generation immigrant, Herman lived in Jakarta up until university and could speak noChinese at all. At age 25, he accompanied a sick relative who was going to China to receivelong-term treatment at a Beijing hospital. While there, he studied Chinese. On his return toIndonesia two years later, he got a job at a lumber company. When one of his Chinese clientsrealized Herman could speak Chinese, he was offered a job.
赫尔曼是第四代的移民,从出生到上大学一直居住在雅加达,他不会讲任何汉语。25岁那年,他陪同一位生病的亲戚准备前往中国北京的一家医院接受长期治疗。就是在那,他学习了汉语。两年后,他回到印度尼西亚,在一家木材厂找到了工作。赫尔曼的一个中国客户知道他会讲中文,因为这个原因,他得到了这份工作。
Anti-Chinese demonstrations were common in Indonesia under the regime of former PresidentSuharto, who held office for more than 30 years. For a long time, it was forbidden to teachChinese in schools. Shops owned by ethnic Chinese were also targeted in riots in the late 1990s. Herman recalls being bullied as a child because of his Chinese ancestry. In recent times, though, Indonesia’s rulers have worked hard to improve relations with China.
在印度尼西亚前总统苏哈托执政的30多年间,印尼的反华游行十分普遍。在相当长的一段时间里,学校是禁止教习汉语的。在20世纪90年代后期,华裔商人开的店也经常遭到攻击。赫尔曼回想起来,在他孩童时代,还曾因为自己的中国血统被别人欺凌。然而近几年,印度尼西亚的领导者都在竭力改善同中方的关系。
“Lots of cash is flowing into Indonesia from China and there are now more chances forIndonesian Chinese like me. People won’t look down on me anymore,” he says.
赫尔曼说道:“当前,大量现金正从中国流入印度尼西亚,这就给像我这样的华裔印度尼西亚人提供了更多的机会。人们不会再轻视我了。”
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