经济发展是否带来环境污染英语话题作文批改

　　编者按：经济快速发展的社会会带来环境问题吗?这是许多人的疑问，现在它已经成为一个公众都关注的问题了。

　　In modern society, pretty public agree that the most significant element about pollution and damage of environment is the developing technology and increasing living standards, and they believe that this phenomenon is avoidless. Personally, I disagree with this point.

　　Firstly, with the improvement inpersonal wealth, cars’ fumes are an important type of pollution, and pose a threat to public’s health, while the government is capable of implementing a kind of measures to reduce this type of contaminant. Government enable to make some interest advertisements on the street. These commercials related to the consequences of traffic fumes encourage people to reduce dependence on cars, and usepublic transport to and from work. In addition, factories are able to manufacture more electric cars instead of petrol-powered cars due to that electric cars are more energy-efficient and make less pollution. Furthermore, thestate can provide electric car buyers with subsides. This enables to encourage more public to buy electric cars.

　　Secondly, people adapt a throw-away culture in recent decades, attributed by that public becomes richer and they prefer to buy other goods rather than reuse them. For this reason the government also enables to introduce strict laws to protect the environment from pollution. Environmental education programmers should be added to compulsory subjects in primary school and even in university, as it is beneficial for the government to maximize the profit that enhance the environment awareness in next generation. The next generation are conscious of the importance of reusing goods. This means that the old goods do not break down easily, and they will be transform to industrial waste and produce increasing amount of waste.

　　In conclusion, pollution is a serious problem in this world, while we are capable of setting up different policies to avoid and reduce harmfulness of pollution.

　　评价：

　　1. 这篇文章的主题是让你阐述自己的观点：经济发展和环境污染有没有关系?并不是环境污染来源于哪些方面。你的主体段1写的是汽车尾气是污染的主要来源，并且说了政府应该这么做。主体段2写的是应该废物利用，政府应该怎么做。仔细看看，你有哪一段写到了经济发展国民变富了?你只是写到了环境污染的两个来源：尾气和乱丢东西。和country developing and becoming richer有关系吗?所以你这属于严重跑题。雅思作文的评分标准第一条task response你都没有达到，所以5-是肯定的了。但你这篇文章还有可挽救的余地因为尾气和乱丢old goods的原因都是人们变得有钱了所产生的问题，私家车多了，尾气才多，有钱了懒得用老东西了。这些你都可以写得和country developing扯上边，但是你没写。

　　2. 将can换成enable to 和 capable of 等的确是学术一点，但是在表达建议时候用should 和need。

　　3. Rather than 后面加不应该做的事情，比如你应该爱护她rather than抛弃她，你文中rather than后面是reuse them，是不是不通?

　　4. 汽车尾气是automobile exhaust.

　　5. Furthermore一般在大观点的时候才用，你用在了主体段的第二个小观点上，不太好，可以用moreover /also /additionally/in addition等代替。

　　6. 再次强调conclusion是总结自己的观点，你就写了一句话，pollution is a serious problem in this world， 这就叫废话，所以应该带上你自己的两个观点，尾气和乱丢。最后再写政府应该怎么样,详见范文。

　　作者| Lynn

　　公众号： 雅思写作王

　　本文为原创文章，版权归作者所有，未经授权不得转载!