英文小说连载《朗读者The Reader》10&11

　　导读：教书育人楷模，更好地指导自己的学习，让自己不断成长。让我们一起到学习啦一起学习吧!下面学习啦网的小编给你们带来了《英文小说连载《朗读者The Reader》10&11》供考生们参考。

　　英文小说连载《朗读者The Reader》Part 2 Chapter 10

　　I HAVE NO memory of the Friday seminar meetings. Even when I recall the trial， I cannot remember what topics we selected for scholarly discussion. What did we talk about? What did we want to know? What did the professor teach us?

　　But I remember the Sundays. The days in court gave me a new hunger for the colors and smells of nature. On Fridays and Saturdays I managed to catch up on what I had missed of my studies during the other days of the week， so that I could complete my course assignments and pass the semester. On Sundays， I took off by myself.

　　Heiligenberg， St. Michaels Basilica， the Bismarck Tower， the Philosophers Path， the banks of the riverI didnt vary my route much from one Sunday to the next. I found there was enough variety in the greens that became richer and richer from week to week， and in the floodplain of the Rhine， that was sometimes in a heat haze， sometimes hidden behind curtains of rain and sometimes overhung by storm clouds， and in the smells of the berries and wildflowers in the woods when the sun blazed down on them， and of earth and last years rotting leaves when it rained. Anyway I dont need or seek much variety. Each journey a little further than the last， the next vacation in the new place I discovered during my last vacation and liked . . . For a while I thought I should be more daring， and made myself go to Ceylon， Egypt， and Brazil， before I went back to making familiar regions more familiar. I see more in them.

　　I have rediscovered the place in the woods where Hannas secret became clear to me. There is nothing special about it now， nor was there anything special then， no strangely shaped tree or cliff， no unusual view of the city and the plain， nothing that would invite startling associations. In thinking about Hanna， going round and round in the same tracks week after week， one thought had split off， taken another direction， and finally produced its own conclusion. When it did so， it was doneit could have been anywhere， or at least anywhere the familiarity of the surroundings and the scenery allowed what was truly surprising， what didnt come like a bolt from the blue， but had been growing inside myself， to be recognized and accepted. It happened on a path that climbed steeply up the mountain， crossed the road， passed a spring， and then wound under old， tall， dark trees and out into light underbrush.

　　Hanna could neither read nor write.

　　That was why she had had people read to her. That was why she had let me do all the writing and reading on our bicycle trip and why she had lost control that morning in the hotel when she found my note， realized I would assume she knew what it said， and was afraid shed be exposed. That was why she had avoided being promoted by the streetcar company; as a conductor she could conceal her weakness， but it would have become obvious when she was being trained to become a driver. That was also why she had refused the promotion at Siemens and become a guard. That was why she had admitted to writing the report in order to escape a confrontation with an expert. Had she talked herself into a corner at the trial for the same reason? Because she couldnt read the daughters book or the indictment， couldnt see the openings that would allow her to build a defense， and thus could not prepare herself accordingly? Was that why she sent her chosen wards to Auschwitz? To silence them in case they had noticed something? And was that why she always chose the weak ones in the first place?

　　Was that why? I could understand that she was ashamed at not being able to read or write， and would rather drive me away than expose herself. I was no stranger to shame as the cause of behavior that was deviant or defensive， secretive or misleading or hurtful. But could Hannas shame at being illiterate be sufficient reason for her behavior at the trial or in the camp? To accept exposure as a criminal for fear of being exposed as an illiterate? To commit crimes to avoid the same thing?

　　How often I have asked myself these same questions， both then and since. If Hannas motive was fear of exposurewhy opt for the horrible exposure as a criminal over the harmless exposure as an illiterate? Or did she believe she could escape exposure altogether? Was she simply stupid? And was she vain enough， and evil enough， to become a criminal simply to avoid exposure?

　　Both then and since， I have always rejected this. No， Hanna had not decided in favor of crime. She had decided against a promotion at Siemens， and fell into a job as a guard. And no， she had not dispatched the delicate and the weak on transports to Auschwitz because they had read to her; she had chosen them to read to her because she wanted to make their last month bearable before their inevitable dispatch to Auschwitz. And no， at the trial Hanna did not weigh exposure as an illiterate against exposure as a criminal. She did not calculate and she did not maneuver. She accepted that she would be called to account， and simply did not wish to endure further exposure. She was not pursuing her own interests， but fighting for her own truth， her own justice. Because she always had to dissimulate somewhat， and could never be completely candid， it was a pitiful truth and a pitiful justice， but it was hers， and the struggle for it was her struggle.

　　She must have been completely exhausted. Her struggle was not limited to the trial. She was struggling， as she always had struggled， not to show what she could do but to hide what she couldnt do. A life made up of advances that were actually frantic retreats and victories that were concealed defeats.

　　I was oddly moved by the discrepancy between what must have been Hannas actual concerns when she left my hometown and what I had imagined and theorized at the time. I had been sure that I had driven her away because I had betrayed and denied her， when in fact she had simply been running away from being found out by the streetcar company. However， the fact that I had not driven her away did not change the fact that I had betrayed her. So I was still guilty. And if I was not guilty because one cannot be guilty of betraying a criminal， then I was guilty of having loved a criminal.

　　我对每天都自愿参加的研讨会没有留下什么记忆，即使我回忆法庭的审理情形，也记不起来我们都做了哪些科学的整理工作，我们就什么问题进行了讨论，我们想要知道什么，那位教授都教了我们什么。

　　但是，我却记得那些周日。在法庭的那些天，使我对大自然的色彩和气息产生了新的渴望。在节假日和星期六，我把在学习中所落下的课程尽可能都补上了，这样，在做课堂练习时，我至少能跟得上，也能完成本学期的学分。星期天，我总是出去。

　　圣山，米西尔教堂，彼斯麦塔，哲学家之路，河岸，一个星期天接着一个星期天，我走的路线仅有很小的变动。一个星期接着一个星期，我所看到的大自然足以用丰富多彩、变化无穷来形容。深绿色的莱茵平原有时处在热气中，有时在云雾中，有时在雷雨乌云中。在森林里，当阳光照耀时可闻得花香，闻得果甜;当雨水四溅时可喷得到泥土的气息，嗅得到去年新落下的树叶的味道。我一点不需要也不寻找比这更多的多样性。行程一次比一次远些，下次度假的地方通常是上次度假时发现并喜欢的地方。有好长一段时间，我认为我应该更大胆一些，应该强迫自己去锡兰、埃及和巴西，不过，我还是去了我所熟悉的地区，为的是加深对旧地的了解。在这些地方我看到的更多。

　　在森林里，我又发现了我揭开汉娜秘密的地方。那不是一个什么特别的地方，当时也没有什么特别之处，没有别具一格的树木或悬崖峭壁，没有什么非同一般的可以看到那座城市和那片平原的视角，没有什么会促使你产生意想不到的联想。在周而复始他对汉娜进行思考后，我竟产生了一种想法，我追踪了这个想法，最后也得出了结论。真是筋疲力尽之时，也正是柳暗花明之日。这种情况随处可见，或者至少在这种情况下随处可见：你对一个环境或一种情况非常熟悉，以至于凡是你感受到并接受了的、令你惊讶的东西，都不是来自外部世界，而是产生于内心。我得出结论的过程就像一个人走在一条路上，先爬上陡峭的山坡，再穿越马路，再经过一个泉井，然后穿过一片森林：先是古老的、遮天蔽日的参天大树，之后才是明亮的小树丛。

　　汉娜既不会读也不会写。

　　所以她才让人给她朗读，所以在我们骑车旅行时，才让我承担读写的任务，所以当她那天早上在旅馆里发现我的字条时，才大发雷霆她猜测出了字条的内容和我的期待，害怕自己出丑，所以她才逃避了有轨电车公司对她的提升作为售票员，她可以掩饰她的弱点，如果被培训当司机，那她的弱点将暴露无遗，所以她才回避了西门子公司对她的提升而做了一名女看守，所以为了避免和鉴定专家对质，她承认了那篇报告是她写的。也正是因为如此她才在法庭上拼命地争辩吗?因为她既不能读那位女儿写的那本书又不会看控告词，她才看不到为自己辩护的机会并为此做相应的准备吗?也正因为如此她才把受到她特殊照顾的人送往奥斯威辛吗?是因为她怕她们发现她的弱点而想杀人灭口吗?也正是因为如此她才把那些体弱者纳入她的保护之下吗?

　　都是由于这个原因吗?她为自己既不会读也不会写而感到羞耻，所以她宁愿让我感到莫名其妙也不愿自己出丑，这个我能理解。我对由于羞耻而去回避、拒绝、隐瞒、伪装并伤害他人的这些行为有亲身体会，但是，汉娜在法庭上和集中营中的所作所为是因为她对不会读写感到可耻吗?她认为做一个文盲比做一名罪犯更丢脸吗?她比暴露自己是个罪犯更害怕暴露自己是个文盲吗?

　　当时和从那时以来，我经常向自己提出这个问题。如果汉娜的动机是害怕暴露自己，那为什么不暴露自己是一个无害的文盲而要暴露自己是个可怕的罪犯呢?或许她认为什么都不暴露就能蒙混过关吗?她这么愚蠢吗?她这么爱虚荣，这么邪恶吗?为了避免暴露就去做罪犯吗?

　　当时和自那时以来，我总是拒绝这样想。不，我对自己说，汉娜没有想去犯罪。她没有接受西门子公司对她的提拔，而不自觉地决定做了女看守。木，她没有因为她们为她朗读过就把那些温柔体弱的人送往奥斯威辛。她特别把她们挑选出来为她朗读，是因为她想使她们在被送往奥斯威辛以前的最后几个月的日子过得好一点。木，在法庭上，汉娜没有在暴露自己是文盲还是暴露自己是罪犯之间进行斟酌。她并没有三思而后行，她的行为举止缺少策略性。她宁可被绳之以法，也不愿暴露自己是文盲。她进行的斗争不是为了自己的利益，而是为了她的真理、她的正义。那是个可悲的真理、可怜的正义，因为她总要伪装自己，因为她从未开诚布公过，从未完全自我过。不过，那是她的真理和正义，为此而进行的奋斗是她的奋斗。

　　她必须要使出全身解数来。她不仅仅在法庭上要争要斗，她必须要永远奋斗，其目的不是为了向世人显示她能做的事情，而是向世人掩饰她不能做的事情。这是一种其起步意味着节节败退，而其胜利隐藏着失败的生活。

　　汉娜离开我家乡时的处境和我当时对它的想象之间存在分歧，这种分歧不同寻常地触动着我。我曾十分肯定她是被我赶走的，因为我曾经背叛和否认过她。她离开了有轨电车公司确实逃避了一次暴露。不过，我没有把她赶走的这一事实，丝毫没有改变我背叛了她的这一事实。这就是说，我仍旧负有责任。如果说我没有什么责任的话，是因为背叛一名罪犯不必负什么责任;如果说我负有责任，是因为我曾经爱上过一个罪犯。

　　英文小说连载《朗读者The Reader》Part 2 Chapter 11

　　O NCE HANNA admitted having written the report， the other defendants had an easy game to play. When Hanna had not been acting alone， they claimed， she had pressured， threatened， and forced the others. She had seized command. She did the talking and the writing. She had made the decisions.

　　The villagers who testified could neither confirm nor deny this. They had seen that the burning church was guarded by several women who did not unlock it， and they had not dared to unlock it themselves. They had met the women the next morning as they were leaving the village， and recognized them as the defendants. But which of the defendants had been the spokeswoman at the early-morning encounter， or if anyone had played the role of spokeswoman， they could not recall.

　　But you cannot rule out that it was this defendantthe lawyer for one of the other defendants pointed at Hannawho took the decisions?

　　They couldnt， how could they even have wanted to， and faced with the other defendants， visibly older， more worn out， more cowardly and bitter， they had no such impulse. In comparison with the other defendants， Hanna was the dominant one. Besides， the existence of a leader exonerated the villagers; having failed to achieve rescue in the face of a fiercely led opposing force looked better than having failed to do anything when confronted by a group of confused women.

　　Hanna kept struggling. She admitted what was true and disputed what was not. Her arguments became more desperate and more vehement. She didnt raise her voice， but her very intensity alienated the court.

　　Eventually she gave up. She spoke only when asked a direct question; her answers were short， minimal， sometimes beside the point. As if to make clear that she had given up， she now remained seated when speaking. The presiding judge， who had told her several times at the beginning of the trial that she did not need to stand and could remain seated if she preferred， was put off by this as well. Towards the end of the trial， I sometimes had the sense that the court had had enough， that they wanted to get the whole thing over with， that they were no longer paying attention but were somewhere else， or rather hereback in the present after long weeks in the past.

　　I had had enough too. But I couldnt put it behind me. For me， the proceedings were not ending， but just beginning. I had been a spectator， and then suddenly a participant， a player， and member of the jury. I had neither sought nor chosen this new role， but it was mine whether I wanted it or not， whether I did anything or just remained completely passive.

　　Did anythingthere was only one thing to do. I could go to the judge and tell him that Hanna was illiterate. That she was not the main protagonist and guilty party the way the others made her out to be. That her behavior at the trial was not proof of singular incorrigibility， lack of remorse， or arrogance， but was born of her incapacity to familiarize herself with the indictment and the manuscript and also probably of her consequent lack of any sense of strategy or tactics. That her defense had been significantly compromised. That she was guilty， but not as guilty as it appeared.

　　Maybe I would not be able to convince the judge. But I would give him enough to have to think about and investigate further. In the end， it would be proved that I was right， and Hanna would be punished， but less severely. She would have to go to prison， but would be released soonerwasnt that what she had been fighting for?

　　Yes， that was what she had been fighting for， but she was not willing to earn victory at the price of exposure as an illiterate. Nor would she want me to barter her self-image for a few years in prison. She could have made that kind of trade herself， and did not， which meant she didnt want it. Her sense of self was worth more than the years in prison to her.

　　But was it really worth all that? What did she gain from this false self-image which ensnared her and crippled her and paralyzed her? With the energy she put into maintaining the lie， she could have learned to read and write long ago.

　　I tried to talk about the problem with friends. Imagine someone is racing intentionally towards his own destruction and you can save himdo you go ahead and save him? Imagine theres an operation， and the patient is a drug user and the drugs are incompatible with the anesthetic， but the patient is ashamed of being an addict and does not want to tell the anesthesiologistdo you talk to the anesthesiologist? Imagine a trial and a defendant who will be convicted if he doesnt admit to being left-handeddo you tell the judge whats going on? Imagine hes gay， and could not have committed the crime because hes gay， but is ashamed of being gay. It isnt a question of whether the defendant should be ashamed of being left-handed or gayjust imagine that he is.

　　由于汉娜承认那篇报告是她写的，其他被告就可以轻松地出牌了。她们说，凡汉娜一个人处理不了的事情，她就逼迫、威胁和强迫其他被告一起做。她把指挥棒揽在自己手里。她既执笔又代言，她总是做最后决定。

　　对此，做证的村民既不能证实又不能反驳。他们看见那熊熊燃烧的教堂被许多穿制服的女人看守着，门没有被打开。这样，他们自己也不敢去开门。当她们第二天早上开拔时，他们又遇见了她们，而且在这些被告中又认出了她们。但是，由于只是在晨窿中相遇，哪位被告是发号施令者，是否真的有哪位被告在发号施令，他们也说不清楚。

　　但是你们不能排除这位被告做了决定吧!另一位被告的辩护律师指着汉娜说。

　　他们不能排除，他们怎么能排除!看到其他被告明显地更年老，更疲倦，更胆小和更痛苦，他们也不想排除这种可能性。相比之下，汉娜就是个头头。除此之外，有个头头存在也减轻了村民们的负担。他们在一伙严厉的、有领导的女人面前没有伸出援助之手总比在一帮不知所措的女人面前而没有伸出援助之手要好得多。

　　汉娜继续抗争着，对的她就承认，错的她就反驳。她的反驳越来越困惑，越来越暴躁，她的声音不大，但其厉害程度令法庭感到惊讶。

　　最后，她放弃了争辩，只是在被问到对她才说话。她的回答简短扼要，有时候甚至漫不经心。好像为了让人更明显地看出她已经放弃了，她现在说话时也不站起来。审判长也惊讶地注意到了这一点。在法庭审理刚开始时，审判长曾多次对她说过不必站起来，她可以坐着讲话。有时候我会有一种感觉，觉得法庭在审理接近尾声时已经厌战了，想尽早把事情了结，大家都已经心不在焉，都想在经过几周对过去的审理后再回到现实中来。

　　我也感到厌倦了，但是我却不能把事情置于脑后。对我来说，审理没有结束，而是刚刚开始。起初，我是一名听众，突然之间我变成了参与者、一同游戏的人和共同决策者。我并没有去寻找和选择这一新的角色，但是我却得到了它，不管我愿意与否，不管我是采取了主动还是被动。

　　如果我能做什么的话，我也只能做一件事。我可以去找审判长，对他说汉娜是个文盲，她并非如其他人所说的那样是个主角并负有主要责任。她在法庭上的言谈举止并不能说明她特别固执己见、不理智或者厚颜无耻，而只能说明她对其控告词和那本书事前缺乏了解和认识，也是由于她缺乏战略战术意识的结果。这对她为自己辩护极为不利。她虽然负有责任，但是她所负的责任并不是像看上去的那样重大。

　　也许我的话不能令审判长信服，但是，我会促使他去思考，去调查研究。最终结果将证明我是对的。汉娜尽管将受到惩罚，但是她的罪责将会减轻。她尽管要坐牢，但是会早些时候被放出来，会早些时候重获自由。她的争辩难道不正是为了这些吗?

　　是的，她是为此而抗争的，但是她不愿为了获得成功而暴露出自己是个文盲，她不想为此付出代价。她也不会愿意我为了她在监狱里少呆几年而出卖她。她可以自己讨价还价，但她没有那样做，说明她不想那样做。对她来说，为了她的自我价值蹲几年监狱也值得。

　　但是，这对她来说真的值得吗?她从这种虚伪的、束缚她的、令其丧失活力的、使其无法施展才能的自我价值中能得到什么呢?如果把用于掩饰真实谎言的精力用于学习，她早就能学会读和写了。

　　当时，我曾试着与朋友就这个问题进行探讨。你设想一下，有人想毁掉自己，故意毁掉自己，你就是能挽救他，可你将挽救他吗?你设想一个手术，病人服用了连麻药都无法相比的毒品，但他又耻于向麻醉师开口讲他服用了毒品，在这种情况下，你能告诉麻醉师真相吗?你设想一次法庭审理案，有一名被告将会受到惩罚，他是个左撇子，但是他为此感到羞耻。如果他不讲出自己是一个左撇子，因而不能完成一个用右手实施的行为，你能对法庭说明此事吗?你设想一下，某人是一名同性恋者，作为同性恋他不会于某种行为，可是他又耻于做一名同性恋者而不说明真相。这不是人们是否应该耻于做一名左撇子或做一名同性恋者的问题，您想一想，这是被告为自己感到羞耻的问题。