精选英语幽默故事
“哪里有人,哪里就有笑声。”从古到今,笑话是人们生活中不可缺少的“调剂品”。笑话使人们在刻板的生活中感到一丝快意和放松，在人们的日常生活中起着重要调剂作用。下面学习啦小编为大家带来精选英语幽默故事，欢迎大家阅读!
精选英语幽默故事：换个工作
The doctor looked at his patient's tongue, felt his pulse, knocked on his chest, and began: "Same old story, my friend. Too much confinement. Do not deny it. What you need is plenty of outdoor exercise. Walk, Walk."
"But, doctor..."
"Don't argue with me. I am the doctor. Take my advice. Walk ten times as much as you do now. That's the only thing that will cure you."
"But my business..."
"That is just the trouble. Your business! Well, change your business, so that you can get a chance to walk more. What is your business?"
"I'm a letter-carrier."
医生看了看病人的舌头，号了号脉。 敲了敲他地胸部，说道：“还是老问题，朋友， 运动量太小，不要否认这个事实。 你需要大量的户外运动。 走路。 走路。 ”
“不过，医生……”
“不要同我争辩，我是医生。遵照我的嘱咐，走10倍于你现在所走的路，这是治愈你的疾病地唯一方法。 ”
“然而我的工作是……”
“这正是问题所在。 你的工作!好吧，换一个工作。 这样一来，你就有机会多走动了。 你是干什么的?”
“我是一名邮递员。 ”
精选英语幽默故事：一台更好的洗碗机
Mrs Williams lived in a small street in London, and now she had a new neighbour.
Her name was Mrs Briggs, and she talked a lot about her expensive furniture, her beautiful carpets and her new kitchen.
"Do you know," she said to Mrs Williams one day, "I've got a new dishwasher. It washes the plates and glasses and knives and forks beautifully."
"Oh? " Mrs Williams answered." And does it dry them and put them in the cupboard, too ?"
Mrs Briggs was surprised. "Well," she answered, "the things in the machine are dry after an hour, but it doesn't put them away, of course."
"I've had a dishwasher for twelve and a half years," Mrs Williams said.
"Oh?" Mrs Briggs answered, "And does yours put the things in the cupboard when it has washed them?"
She laughed nastily. "Yes, he does," Mrs Williams answered."He dries the dishes and puts them away."
威廉姆斯太太住在伦敦的的一条小街上，现在她有了一位新邻居。
这邻居叫布里格斯太太，她对她的高档家具，漂亮地毯和新厨房谈论很多。
“你知道吗?” 有一天她对威廉姆斯太太说道：“我有一台新洗碗机。它洗盘子、杯子和刀叉洗得非常好。”
“哦?”威廉姆斯太太回答说，“它能弄干盘子、杯子和刀叉吗?还可以把它们放进碗柜吗?”
布里格斯太太很吃惊。“ 嗯，”她回答说，“洗碗机里的盘子、杯子和刀叉一小时后就干了，但当然啰，洗碗机不能把它们收起来。”
威廉姆斯太太说：“我有一台洗碗机已经12年半了。”
“哦?”布里格斯太太回答说，“你的洗碗机在洗完盘子、杯子和刀叉后能把它们放进碗柜吗?”她不怀好意地大笑起来。
“是的，他可以。”威廉姆斯太太回答说，“他把碗盘刀叉弄干后就把它们收起来。”
精选英语幽默故事：我的上帝啊
A Scotsman, carrying a huge suitcase, has been riding a London bus for five miles along its route, all the while attempting to avoid the ticket collector.
Finally, the conductor manages to corner him and tells him to pay up："You've been on for five miles -- that'll be 50 pennies, please, and 10 pennies for your suitcase."
The Scotsman responds："I haven't, I want to have a penny fare, just got on this very moment." They begin to argue, and the ticket collector become more and more enraged and finally, as the bus is passing over London bridge, he grabs the Scotsman's suitcase, and hurls it out of the bus.
It lands in the river and sinks without a trace. The Scotsman stands shocked for a moment and says to the ticket collector, "My God!Not only are you treat to overcharge me for the ticket—but now you're gone a drowned my boy Jenny."
一个苏格兰人提着一只大箱子，坐上了一辆开往伦敦的汽车。上车后，在汽车行驶了5英里的这段路上，他一直在试图躲开售票员。
售票员最终还是找到了他，并叫他补票:“你已经坐了5英里了，请付50便士，你的箱子还要付10便士。”
苏格兰人答道：“我是不会付那么多钱的。我只付1便士，因为我刚刚上车。”最后，他们争吵起来。售票员越吵越生气，终于在车子行驶到伦敦大桥上时，抓起苏格兰人的箱子，用力扔出了车外。
箱子掉进河里，沉了下去。苏格兰人惊呆了，怔怔地站在那里，片刻之后对售票员说：“我的上帝啊!你不仅向我多收票钱，现在还淹死了我的儿子强尼。”
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