经典国外幽默故事阅读
笑话是一种增强快乐的文化，常常以篇幅短小，故事情节简单，文笔巧妙的形式出现，给人以出乎意料，并且取得笑意的艺术效果的文化。在忙碌的生活，我们也需要偶尔的放松一下自己。下面学习啦小编为大家带来国外经典幽默故事三则，希望大家喜欢!
国外经典幽默故事：三个修道士
There were three pious monks. These monks were so pious，in fact，that the head abbot decided one day to reward their devotion by granting them each one day of sin，on the condition that they confess their activities to him at the end of the day.
有三个虔诚的修道士，他们非常的虔诚，以至于修道院院长决定，在他们愿意交待一天的所作所为的条件下，允许他们每个人犯一回戒，以示对他们虔诚的奖励。
So，the day come，and the three monks went off into the night to indulge in all manner of sin.
所以，当这天夜色来临的时候三个修道土就趁着夜色下山去犯戒去了。
The first monk sauntered in at 1:00 in the morning, and tried to sneak upstairs to bed. But the head abbot，who was waiting up for the three，stopped him and demanded that he relate his doings.
第一个修道士在凌晨一点的时候悄悄地回来了，他想偷偷的上楼睡觉去，但是正在等待三人的院长叫住了他，问他都干了什么。
"No, head abbot，”the first monk said，"it’s too evil for me to admit!”
“没干什么，院长”，第一个修道士说，“对于我来说那太坏了，我不能说出来!”
"'The deal was for you to tell me everything you did，otherwise you will not receive absolution!” said the abbot.
“说好的，你告诉我所有你千的事情，否则不能免你的罪!”院长说。
So the first monk agreed to tell what he did. "I-I-I drank! And I did all manner of drugs! And 1 smoked marijuana, cocaine and. . .”
第一个修道士就同意说出他干了什么。“我，我，我喝酒了!我吸了各种各样的毒品!我吸了大麻、可卡因、还有……”
"Enough!”said the head abbot，enraged. "Those are evil sins, but I promised to forgive you. Go out back，drink some Holy Water, say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“够了!”院长生气地说，“那些太罪过了，但是我曾许诺原谅你，回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”
The first monk thankfully went off to follow the abbot’s instructions.
第一个修道士感激地走了，他去按照院长的指示去做了。
The second monk wandered in at 2:00 AM. "What did you do last night?" demanded the head abbot.
第二个修道士在凌晨两点的时候回来。“你昨晚做了什么?”院长问。
"I can’t say! It's much too evil!”
“我不能说!那太罪恶了!”
"The agreement was that you must tell me everything you did!”
“我们说好的，你必须告诉我!”
"Okay，”agreed the second monk." I had all kinds of meat. l had port，beef ,chicken，horse,and even a dog...”
“好吧”，第二个修道士说，“我吃了各种各样的肉。有猪肉、牛肉、鸡肉、马肉、甚至还吃了狗肉……”
Enough!” cried the head abbot. "That is a truly great sin. But I promised to give you absolution. Go out back and drink some Holy Water. “Then say some prayers and you will be forgiven in the morning.”
“够了!”院长大叫道:“那真是太罪过了。但是我曾许诺原谅你。回去喝一些圣水，然后祈祷，早上就会被原谅的。”
The second monk sauntered off to do just that.
第二个修道士按照院长所说的去做了。
And the third and final monk crawled in at 3:00 in the morning.
第三个修道士最终在凌晨三点的时候回来了。
"What ," asked the head abbot, "did you do this evening?"
院长问:“你昨晚干了什么?”
"No, head abbot, it's too great a sin to admit. I cannot tell!"
“不，院长，那太罪恶了，我不能说!”
"The agreement, monk! You must tell me!"
“修道士，别忘了我们事先说好的。你必须告诉我!”
The third monk bowed his head and nodded. "All right, head abbot. Last night I…I…"
第三个修道士低下他的头说:“好吧院长，我说，昨天晚上我，我……”
"Yes?"
“怎么样了?”
"I pissed in the Holy Water."
“我在圣水里撒了尿!”
国外经典幽默故事：狂人马丁
Once upon a time，this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West.
很久以前，一个名叫佛瑞德的人觉得自己足够凶悍和强壮，所以决定去美国西部蛮荒地区闯荡。
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and tough he was，and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up fights and didn’t skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he (Fred) was doing a fine job，but he should remember one thing: “lf you ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town,just save what you can，put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of town as fast as you can.”
佛瑞德来到了西部边境一个小镇的酒吧里做了一名酒吧招待，很快他就证明了他的强悍与凶狠。当酒吧老板看到他分开酒吧里打架的人们，并且很少揩油，就很高
兴地告诉佛瑞德他做的不错，但是一定要记住一件事:“如果你听说有传言狂人马丁要来到小镇，你要把能收好的东西收好，在柜台上放一瓶‘赤珠’鸡尾酒，然后尽快地离开小镇。”
Fred was pretty perplexed at this, and sought explanation. He was told that Mad Martin was an old mountain man who lived up in the hills and only came to town once or twice a year. However, Martin was the most dangerous guy they'd ever heard of and few had ever encountered him and lived to tell the tale. Fred listened carefully and then promptly forgot all about it.
佛瑞德对这些话感到非常困惑，努力想知道为什么要这样之后，他被告知这个狂人马丁是住在山里的一个巨人，他每年要有一次或两次到山下的小镇来。当然，马
丁是他们所听到过的最危险的人。几乎没有人能见到马丁后活着回来讲有关于马丁的故事。佛瑞德虽然听得很认真，但是很快他就忘了这些。
Until，one day a few months later, a cowboy came riding through town at full speed, yelling, "Martin's coming. Head for the hills I” The result was incredible. Everybody in town immediately jumped on their horses and took off for the hills except Fred. He wanted to see this guy because he didn’t believe he could be all that tough. So, Fred just put the bottle of Red Eye on the bar, hid behind the counter, and waited.
直到几个月以后的一天，一个牛仔骑着马全速地穿过小镇大声喊着:“马丁来了!快到山上去!”这喊声后果真是不可思议。小镇里的每个人迅速地骑上他们的马逃到山上去了。只剩下了佛瑞德，他想看看这个家伙到底什么样子，因为他根本不信他有那么可怕。他在柜台上放了一瓶“赤珠”鸡尾酒以后，就躲在柜台后面等着。
He didn’t wait long. Soon there was a noise in the street. As Fred looked out a hole in the wall，he saw this huge, mean-looking guy ride down the center of the street on the biggest bull buffalo that Fred had ever seen. The guy stopped the buffalo in front of the bar, jumped off the beast, punched it in the head and bellowed, "Wait here till I get back!”
他没等多久就听到了街上的声音。当他从墙上的洞向外看时，他看到一个身材高大，长相丑陋的家伙骑着一头佛瑞德从来没见过的大野牛从街中间走来。那个家伙骑着野牛在酒吧门前停了下来，从那野牛身上下来时候还打了一下它的头说:“在这儿等着我回来!”
The fellow turned and walked up the steps. Fred saw that the guy had a pair of huge mountain lions on leashes. He tied them both to a post and kicked them sound1y, hollering, "You pussycats stay here till I'm done !”The cats fearfully sat down.
那个家伙转过身走了进来。佛瑞德看到他还牵着两只巨大的山狮，他把它们拴栓到一个柱子上踢了一脚大声叫道:“你们这些小猫在这儿等我!”它们就乖乖地坐了。
Into the bar stormed the fellow, ripping the doors off the wall as he passed. Wiith two strides he approached the bar, picked up the bottle of Red Eve, bit off the neck, and downed it all in one gulp. Poor Fred，thoroughly frightened by now, let out a little whimper. The guy looked down over the bar and roared，"Who the hell do you think you’re looking at!?”
那个家伙走进酒吧，踢倒了大门。两步就走到了柜台前并把那瓶酒仰起脖子一口气喝完了。可怜的佛瑞德现在可害怕了，他不小心出了一点小声。那个家伙向下
一看然后大吼:“你到底知不知道你在看着的是谁?!”
Fred managed to say，"N…n…n… nothing, mister. Do you want another bottle of Red Eye? "
佛瑞德吓得说:“没……没什么事!大人!你想再来一杯吗?”
To which the fellow replied，"Hell no! I don’t have time! 1 got to get out of here - -Mad Martin’s coming!"
那个家伙回答道:“当然不要!我没有时间了!我得离开这里，你不知道么?狂人马丁来了!”
国外经典幽默故事：一只勇敢的猪
我小时候住在华盛顿，爸爸常常带着我们到南部的卡罗莱纳州去度周末，在那里我们看到了“真正的生活”是什么样子。爸爸会沿路开着车，然后把车停到路边的农场去和那里的人聊天。
I lived in DC when I was young，and dad used to take us on weekend trips south into the Carolina, so that we could see what "real life" was like. He'd just drive along the road for a while, and then pull over at some farm and start talking to the people there.
爸爸和一个农妇聊天的时候我发现了这只猪……
Dad was chatting up a farmer's wife once，when I discovered this pig. . .
它是一只漂亮的猪。但是它只有三条腿。右后腿是木头做的!我对这个很好奇，于是就问那个农民:
It was a nice pig. But it only had three legs. The right back leg was wooden! Well、I was as curious as could he，so I asked the farmer:
“先生，为什么你的猪有一只木头腿?”
"Excuse me. sir. Why does your pig have a wooden leg?”
“是这样的，孩子。这是一只勇敢的猪。一天深夜当我和妻子在房里睡觉的时候，这只猪跑进来把我们都叫醒。我们这才发现是着火了。我们因此得以生还。”
"Well, boy. What is a courageous pig. The wife and me were asleep in the house one night，when that pig came running in and woke us up. The whole place was ablaze. We just got out alive.”
“这只猪的腿是在着火的时候被烧坏的吗?”
"And the pig got its leg burned up in the fire?"
“不是，它完好地跑了出去。事实上，它还冲进火场救了我们的孩子。”
"Nope. Pig got out just fine. Matter of fact, he even went back in and saved the kids.”
“那么这只猪为什么会有只木头腿呢?”
“Then why does the pig have a wooden 1eg?”
“我告诉你了，孩子。那是一只勇敢的猪!一只英雄猪!是它救了我们全家的命!”
“I told you，boy. That is a BRAVE pig! A heroic pig! That pig saved our lives!”
“是的，先生。但是为什么它有只木头腿呢?”
"Yes，sir. But why does he have a wooden leg?"
“孩子，像这样的一只猪我们是舍不得一次把它全部吃掉的!”
"Boy, a pig like that，you don’t eat all in one sitting!”
