幽默简短英语笑话大全
笑话由于其滑稽可笑的特点而为人们长久以来所喜爱。而人们对笑话的热衷与喜爱也促使人们在开怀捧腹的同时对笑话为何能够使人发笑这一问题进行思考。小编精心收集了幽默简短英语笑话，供大家欣赏学习!
幽默简短英语笑话篇一
爱尔兰人的运气
Two Irish lovers are sitting on a bench, in a park. They are holding hands，but the lady is nervously twisting her hands.
一对爱尔兰情侣坐在公园里的长椅上。他们手牵着手，但是那个女的一直紧张地摆弄她的双手。
Mary: “Patrick. I have something to tell you.”
玛丽:“帕特瑞克，我有些事想告诉你。”
Patrick: “Well，what’s on your mind? You know you can tell me everything.”
帕特瑞克:“好的，你在想什么?有什么事你尽管可以跟我说。”
Mary: “It’ s so terrible.”
玛丽:“这件事简直太难讲出口了。”
Patrick: “You know you can trust me. What is it?”
帕克瑞克:“请你相信我，到底是什么事?”
Mary: “Well, it was a few years ago. Father lost his job, and no money in sight…”
玛丽:“那是好几年前的事了。我爸爸失业了，当时没有钱。”
Patrick: “So, what is it?”
帕特瑞克:“那然后呢?”
Mary: “Oh. We were so desperate. For some time I had to turn… prostitute!”
玛丽:“哦，当时我们简直是绝望之极。所以有时候我不得不去做妓女!”
Patrick: “WHAT!”
帕特瑞克:“你说什么?”
Mary: “We needed the money so bad!”
玛丽:“我们太需要钱了。”
Patrick: “There is no good reason for this! Endangering your very soul! How could you? YOU! Mary, this is more than I can stand!”
帕特瑞克:“不要找借口开脱了。出卖你的灵魂，你怎么能这么做呢? 你! 玛丽，这我实在是接受不了。”
Mary: “Not you, Pat! No! I thought you'd understand. I thought your could still love me, even though I had been a whore.”
玛丽:“不，帕特请不要这样，我觉得你能理解我。我相信你依然爱我，哪怕我曾经出卖过自己的身体。”
Patrick:“Oh! … You … Well, that's ok. For a moment I thought you said protestant’!”
帕特瑞克:“哦，你等会儿，那没关系。刚才我还以为你是说你是当了新教徒呢。”
幽默简短英语笑话篇二
两个错误
For a long time Dr. Smith had wanted to get a better job in a certain big modern hospital, and at last he was successful. He was appointed to a particular position, which he wanted，and his wife moved to the house, which they were now to live in. The next day some beautiful flowers were sent to them, with a note，which said，"Deepest sympathy". Naturally,Dr. Smith was angry to receive such an unusual note, and telephoned the shop which had sent the flowers to find what the note meant.
很长时间以来，史密斯先生一直想在一家现代化的大医院找到一份较好的工作，最后他如愿以偿了。他得到了他所想要的一个重要职位，他和他妻子也搬进了他们现在的房子。第二天，他让花店送来了一些美丽的鲜花，上面有一张条子，写道:“最深切的吊慰。”很显然，史密斯先生对接到这样一张条子感到非常气愤，他立刻打电话给送花店的老板问那张条子是什么意思。
When the owner of the shop heard what had happened, he apologized to Dr. Smith for having made the mistake.
商店的老板听到所发生的事情之后，对于他们所造成的错误对史密斯先生表示歉意。
"But what really worried me much more," he added , "is that flowers which ought to have gone to you were sent to a person who had just died, with a card which said, Congratulations on your new position."
“可真正让我更为担心的是”，老板补充道，“应该给你送去的鲜花却被送给了一个刚去世的人，鲜花上的条子写着:祝您高升。”
幽默简短英语笑话篇三
我没看到它
Mother: I left two pieces of cake in the cupboard this morning, Johmmy,and now there is only one piece left. Can you explain that?
妈妈: 约翰尼，我今天早上在橱子里放了两块点心。现在就剩下一块了。你能解释一下吗?
Johnny: Well, I suppose it was so dark that I didn' t notice the other.
约翰尼: 哦，我想是因为里面太黑我没看到另外那块。
幽默简短英语笑话篇四
上天堂还是下地狱
Two guys recently dead were given the option to stay either in Heaven or Hell fog the rest of their eternity. They asked if it was OK to look around first, and to their surprise,it was.First, they went to Heaven. All niceguys were there, dressed in white they sat on clouds playing harp. Quite a boring place, thought our heroes.
两个家伙死了之后，被允许选择是愿意呆在天堂还是地狱。他们提出能否到两个地方先观光一下，他们被允许了。首先他们来到了天堂。这里都是穿着白衣服看上去很正派的人，他们坐在白云上弹奏着竖琴。他们想:这是个多无聊的地方呀。
"Let' s go to Hell，”they said to each other.
“让我们下地狱吧，”他们互相商量着。
Hell turned out to be a completely different scene. It was all bars, casino andamusement parks. Free drinks for everyone and a lot of people having a real good time.Back from Hell，the guys were asked to choose between Heaven and Hell. They both chose Hell.
他们来到了地狱，这里简直是一番完全不同的景色。那里有酒吧、赌场和游乐园。每个人都可以免费喝酒，所有的人都享受着他们真正的快乐时光。当他们从地狱回来以后，他们不得不在天堂和地狱之间做出选择。最后，他们都选择了下地狱。
Back in Hell, they were immediately scuffled in the back of a sub-surface car and driven to a coalmine. Someone gave them a shovel each and told them to start working.
回到了地狱之后，他们立即被送进了一辆矿井车的后座，然后驶向了一个煤矿井。有人给他们每人一个铲子，叫他们开始工作。
"What' s this? The last time we were here the place was entirely different.”
“这是怎么回事?上次我们在这里的时候完全不是这样的。”
"Yes, but then you were tourists, now you are immigrants.
“是的，但是那时你们是游客，现在你们是移民。
幽默简短英语笑话篇五
金色的酒吧
One night, a man comes home slightly drunk and his wife ( who is suspecting he’s cheating on her) questions his whereabouts…
一天深夜，一个男人稍有醉意回到家中。他的妻子问他去哪了(她有些怀疑他的话)。
Wife: "Where were you?"
妻子:“你去哪了?”
Man: "I was at this new bar called the Golden Bar. Everything is golden.”
丈夫:“我去了一个叫金色酒吧的新开张的酒吧。里面的一切都是金的。”
Wife: "Sure you were. There' s no such place”
妻子:“你真去了吗? 根本没有这种地方!”
Man: "There is! They have huge golden doors, a golden floors, and even golden urinals !”
丈夫:“有!那里有一扇大金门，金地板和金的便池!”
Wife: "Oh, I BELEIVE you 100%.”
妻子:‘好，就算我恻言你!”
So, the next day the wife looks through the phone book for this golden bar. She’s surprised when she finds a Golden Bar located across town. She decides to call up and check this out for herself…
第二天，他的妻子在电话号码簿里查金色酒吧的电话。使她吃惊的是金色酒吧就在他们住的小镇的另一头。她决定打电话过去证实一下她丈夫的话。
Wife: "Is this the Golden Bar?"
妻子:“这里是金色酒吧吗?”
Bartender: "Yes it is.”
酒吧服务员:“是的，金色酒吧。”
Wife: "Do you have huge golden doors? "
妻子:“你们那里是不是有一扇金色大门?”
Bartender: "Yes we do…”
酒吧服务员:“是的，我们有......”
Wife: "Do you have golden floors?"
妻子:“你们的地板也是金色的?”
Bartender; "We have them, too…”
酒吧服务员:“是的，这也对……”
Wife: "What about golden urinals?"
妻子:“那有没有金色便池?”
Bartender( speaking away from phone):"Hey Max，I think we have a lead on the guy that fouled your alto-sax.”
酒吧服务员在电话那头问:“嘿，马克斯，我认为那天有人往你的高音萨克斯里小便的事有线索了。”
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